The first time I went to jail I was 20 years old. I never got raped but the sheriff did call me the angry, "Jesus of Nazareth" . jail isn't that bad, the  shitty part is your around a bunch of other weird fucking dudes. There's not one inch of pussy around, and the closest thing you get to women is either Spanish soap operas aka novela's or maybe some side boob from dancing with the stars. besides that, it's a bunch of wack jobs who got caught stealing 100 packs of cigarettes, or some corporate dude who finally got caught for fraudulent activity, the worse is when they lock up the homeless just for being a street bum. they smell like ass. my memory is sort of fuzzy now that I'm 22 years old, but you do get fed at least one cheese sandwich with a mayo package each day, you also get a mini tube of toothpaste and a kids toothbrush. you also get one of those pencils you use at miniture golfing and a few scraps of paper. you wear a orange shirt and sweat pants and long socks with slippers, that was the best part. Jail is t that bad because if your in a dorm, there's always shit going on. When you get tired of eating the square meals each day, there's a priced menu of different snacks and shit you can buy, but you need money connected with the jail. sometimes you'd see a group of Mexicans playing cards on the floor and barter each other for their food. that's about as exciting as it gets, there's no windows and it's all cement walls. it's always cold and if your new to the jail they usually give you a hard time. random people would come up to me and ask me questions about my life and how I got locked up. some people act hard ass and some people do push-ups all day. and there's always some pale ass white kid who sleeps all fucking day. he'll be the last one to role call and even skips his meals. you have a bed time every night and wake up a certain time too. I never got any sleep the short time I was there. there's always a fat fuck who snores so loud, and because it's a closed in box, it echoes. during that time I would count the number of lines carved in my bed of how long people were there for, I think the most was 25 lines. But it's usually cause people are always moving around , or they just give up counting. the shittiest part about jail is not spreading your legs and lifting up your balls for the sheriff, but not knowing when your going to get out. No one tells you shit and anyone that knows me knows I have 0 patience for most things. I felt like I was dying! I just wanted to get the fuck out and go eat a cheeseburger, ANYTHING was better than jail. All of your freedom is taken away and you do exactly as your told. if you dare disobey the rules, be ready for solitary confinement. the sheriffs are fucking assholes and make you feel like shit. while your in line they'll crack jokes about you and you can't say shit back. The showers are open and the one toilet in the dorm is covered with a tiny shower curtain.  they don't give you soap, you have to buy it. the reason I got arrested in the first place was because I stole some groceries from whole foods and ended up getting caught. during the time, I was doing a lot of drugs including pills, hash, cocaine, acid, shrooms, and smoking weed and drinking all the time. idleness is the devils workshop! When I have nothing to do, I always do stupid shit. I got away with stealing food all the time. I would bring my own bag and fill it up with the best shit. sushi, burritos, chicken, pasta, eggs, cake, etc.  then I would bring an old receipt and make a lap around the store. when it was busy it was the best cause all the registers were full anyways and I would say fuck it and walk out the store. I did this for many weeks, even though I had money, I just didn't care. I was anti everyone and did whatever the tuck I wanted. then one day, I think it was a Monday or Wednesday, I walked in and did my regular routine. filled my bags, walked down a few isles and pulled out an old Walmart receipt and walked out the door. I was stoked, another free lunch in the bag. I'm literally walking up to my car when a hand grabs me by the shoulder to turn me around. it was a casually dressed, milk chocolate looking black dude who turned me around and asked " are you going to pay for those?" I kept walking as he followed me " yes, who the fuck are you?!" That's when I should've dropped the bag and took off. He pulled out a badge and some dinky ass plastic cuffs. He said follow me, and that's when I went crazy. I started cursing and yelling "your not a cop! What's your fucking badge number?! You can't arrest me! Who the fuck are you?! You can't just walk up to me and grab me!!" He was taken back by my aggression and immediately cuffed me. He brought me back into the whole foods and everyone shopping stopped to look at me walking to the back of the store. My blood was pumping like crazy and I kept trying to fight him off with my words. I couldn't believe this was happening. It felt like a fucking movie. Long story short, he ended up calling the city police because I would not calm down. I threatened the employees who were trying to question me and I told the "secret shopper," that I would come after him. When the cops get there it was a man and a women. I just wanted to get the fuck out of the handcuffs but they wouldn't budge. the cops interrogated me and recorded the whole interaction. basically they got me to tell on myself and I was arrested on the spot for burglary, which for those of you who don't know is a criminal offense and a felony. when they patted me down and checked my pockets they also found something else that ended up ruining my life....I'm tired so I'll tell you more later

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